I was checking out a few of Google’s recent patent applications, and I inadvertently made a startling discovery: evil. That’s right…we’ve all heard the Google motto, “Don’t be evil,” but apparently that doesn’t stop them from incorporating evil into their technology or making it accessible to evil users, as is clearly depicted in the following document:
United States Patent Application 20090327855
Annotating Webpage Content
To be honest, I didn’t even read this patent thoroughly. I just skimmed through it…searching for SEO-related gems. It looked to me like a patent for Google Sidewiki, although it never actually mentioned that name. It did, however, mention the ability to annotate web pages and how to use the Google Toolbar to fetch any annotations that are stored remotely for that given web page. Since Sidewiki has no implications for SEO, I mostly just looked at the diagrams (which I cannot stress enough how helpful they are for understanding patents). Some of the diagrams represent users with a crude stick man (who apparently rides horses a lot), and all of the stick men look like pretty decent people:
But then when you get to Figure 9, you find a stick man who obviously has evil intentions, as is indicated by his black eyes:
So the question is…why did Google draw only this one user with solid black eyes? Does Google think all laptop users are evil? Is this user actually an alien, researching our solar system in preparation for enslaving mankind? Is Google trying to corner the intergalactic online ad-serving market? It’s too hard to say at this point. The only thing we know for sure…is that this post was totally useless.